Friday, November 07, 2003

 

Why the Schizophrenia?

Looking back on some of the things I have written about my vet school experience so far, I've noticed that my ideas about academics are not consistent. One minute I'm saying I should be better grades, then I'm saying it doesn’t matter, then I'm back to complaining again.

Why? Here are the many possible explanations:

When I say grades matter:

- I feel guilty about not doing better because I feel I could/should be

- I ‘m trying to motivate myself to study more by convincing myself that A's are not so hard to achieve

- I just got an exam back that was just one measely one point away from an "A"

- I knew the answers to the questions I got wrong but made dumb mistakes

- I'm worried about getting a decent residency someday

- I look at classmates who are acing exams with hard work and say "Hey, why can’t I do that? I can do that!"

- I’m looking at the curriculum thinking that it's not that hard, and that we’re not learning enough information, then I realize I can't say that unless I’m an "A" student


When I say grades don't matter:

- I'm feeling momentarily overwhelmed

- I don't want to be a grade-grubber or "gunner" who would walk all over Grandma for an "A"

- I'm feeling momentarily apathetic and try to rationalize my lack of gusto

- I just got an exam back that is one point away from a "D" and I'm trying to make myself feel better to calm that "barfy" feeling

- I look at classmates who are acing all the exams without a sweat and rationalize that "I just can't be that kind of student"

- I believe I know the stuff very well despite a mediocre exam score

- I believe I could and should know more despite a good exam score

- I'm looking at the curriculum thinking that it's too much information for the given time frame

- I'm thinking about med students who spend less time in class and have more free time to study



I think I'll leave the analysis to the psych students.

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