Tuesday, December 14, 2004

 

Don't Let Them Get You

The worst bit of advice I've ever gotten:
"If you're too smart, too talented, too pretty, or too nice, nobody will like you."

WRONG. Only the funsuckers won't like you.

My friend Elisa (whose birthday I DID NOT forget--I'll come visit!) once ended an e-mail with:

"Don't let the funsuckers get you!"

Which got me to thinking--I know I've come across "funsuckers" in my life, but what are they?

They are the people I was warned about--the ones who do not like people who are smart, talented, pretty, or nice.

fun-sucker \fun-suker\ n : negative person who sucks fun from life--through regular contact, can transform a normal but weak person into a fun-sucker: as a: one who regularly expresses shitty attitudes, esp. regarding positive things, usu. through nasty comments b: complainer, esp. one who does not attempt to solve problems and/or seeks more things to complain about c: one who makes excuses and/or blames others for her/his shortcomings or misfortunes, one who does not take accountability for own choices
syn see EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE --- fun-sucking \fun-suk-ing\ adj --- fun-suckingly \fun-suk-ing-le\ adv

The most amazing thing about funsuckers is that they have an uncanny talent for finding the most rotten thing to say about the nicest people.

Classic example: "Christina," a woman I used to work with at a vet clinic.

Sandra, a competent, smart, sweet girl, who also happened to be a talented artist and beauty-queen attractive, handed out home-made presents for all 30 of her co-workers the day she left to go back to vet school, each with a personalized note. When she left the room, everyone felt good and was smiling, except Christina. All she could say was, "This is kind of creepy--is she some kind of 'Stepford Wife' or something?"

Thank God no one in the room acknowledged the comment. One person finally said, "How can you not like her? She's had nothing but nice things to say about you."

Good question. Why do these people say such horrible things? I hypothesize that it has something to do with their own sense of self-worth. Maybe they're so self-centered and so out of sync with reality, they presume that someone else's good qualities somehow reflects poorly upon them.

I wonder what it's like to look at people who are admirable and happy, always having to compare yourself, always resenting that person if you don't measure up? I don't see how life can be worth living if you can't enjoy the beauty of others--their talents, their gifts, their lust for life, or whatever great qualities they may have--without always having to think about yourself.

It must really suck having to go through life that way.

Blue says it's just easier for most people to look at exceptional people and resent, rather than enjoy, their qualities and accomplishments.

I disagree. I believe the funsuckers are in the minority, not the majority. I truly believe it's human nature to want to celebrate others' successes, and to admire admirable qualities.

The funsuckers are just more noticeable because they always have something nasty to say, and their negative nature is nurtured by a whole community of funsuckers.

The emotionally generous people who are happy with themselves and their lives are all around us--saying nice, kind things about others--yet no one seems to notice them.

What a shame.

My advice? A combination of the bad advice and Elisa's great advice:

"Beware the funsuckers, who won't like you if you're smart, talented, pretty, or nice. Don't let them infect you and turn you into one of them. Instead, surround yourself with people who appreciate the inner and outer beauty in everyone."

---